I Feel Something Crawling Up My Stomache!

I feel tension crawling up inside of me upwards my heart. I don't think it's good and I feel as if something bad is going to burst out of me such as anger like last night. But, even worse! I'm trapped in my house with nothing to do. I'm done with this shitty life of mine. I wish u could wake up being a different person with my mom, friends, grandma, and add a father who actually is there or me and ucares greatly about me. I don't want to be like this. I'm done with this. I hate my life. But most of all, I hate me!..

The Animal Inside?

So as you all know, the singer, Ke$ha sings about an animal being inside all of is in some way. Is the animal inside of me evil? Last night, I went crazy and I took all my anger out on the world. Was thi the animal controlling me or just my mind giving me the urge to go off and take my shit out on people. I don't just feel like crap, but I also feel that the people who dealt with me last night, didn't deserve one single bit of the torture. I feel ashamed! I was the one that should've been pit through he'll and consequences last night and j should've controlled whatever it was that made me act out. I was the reason for all of this and I didn't mean any of the things I said. Why was I such the jerk that I was and why couldn't I just stop it before it got to the point of extreme as it did? Woah!

Scary Thought!

So I was just dancing at home and I was actually pretty confused and was wandering if the question that crossed my mind was true or not. When I dance at school and my studio, am I good? Should I be worried about people watching me? Do I make a fool out of myself because I'm bad? Do I have dance in me? I will never know because I just can't watch myself dance. I wander if I flow with the music and if I even have rhythm. Omg!

...hmmm..thinking...

So just now, I realized how big this part of my life is. Right now, is the biggest and most dangerous part of a teenagers life. What I do throughout my high school life will always haunt and come back to me sooner or later.

This is what I think-

1. High School
• Trying hard to fit in
• Thinking about the consequences that can and may happen
• Getting good grades for colleges to recognize
• Wandering if your becoming an outcast
• Trying to stay out of trouble
2. Friends
• Who are they?
• Which ones mean the most to me?
• Which ones can I personally trust?
• Making sure I dont choose the wrong decision and lose a friend
• Are they talking bad about me behind my back?
3. People Around Me
• What do they think about me?
• Trying to make new friends
• Are they talking about me? - Bad or Good?
• Do I change to get people to notice me?
4. Relationships
• No girls like male dancers
• Who actually has a crush on me?
• Why can't it be easy as other people?
• I'll never get the girls

The question thats left to ask is:
Am I actually an outcast?

Have things changed?

So, I finally went with a decision to tell my friend today. Now, I just have to make sure it all works out. However, the bad thing is that I notices that I have been in a very bad mood and its been showing in my personality and the way I act around and to people and friends. Nobody seems to like it but I just dont know how I can controll it. It's like something or somebody has taken controll of me. I can't help myself from being like this. It's just who I am i guess.

Which way should I choose?

So I have been very confused lately and have been thinking extra hard about 2 paths. I still havnt decided which way to go and I dont think I can. I feel that if I dont act soon, I will lose some friends and many close relationships that I have with people. I am not sure what to do and I will attempt to make up my mind very soon. I hope for the best for me and want it to be the right choice. I hope which ever way that I choose to go will be sucessfull.